Mental Health... Two words that have such negative connotations soldered to them by society. But why? Why is Mental Health still a sore subject in which we avoid to discuss? Why is there still such a stigma? People are so ashamed to be associated with the term 'mental health' or 'mental illness' and so are never honest with themselves and how they are feeling. People are embarrassed by the idea of being given a mental health label that they don't speak, they don't seek help or support and instead swallow their emotions in fear.
But I have a voice. We all have a voice. So, here is my story...
I have been battling with depression and anxiety, to the point where I completely lost myself. I didn't want to get out of bed or even leave the house... Things I used to love and enjoy faded... And I was having endless panic attacks. In 2016, I was given my 'diagnosis'. After counselling, medication and support from loved ones I gained enough courage to start picking myself up again. Building back the jigsaw puzzle that was me.
October to December in 2016 I became part of an incredible opportunity to be involved in a performing arts project. This was such a huge step for me since it would mean being in an environment with unfamiliar faces. The idea of doing this, going back on a stage and performing would have totally freaked me out in the early stages of my treatment...which is a huge shame as it is what I have always loved. But looking at myself now, I have overcome my lowest point in life so far and I finally feel like me again. Reflecting on this now makes me realise how sad it truly is to have completely lost my identity and overall view on life. This project and all the wonderful people involved helped to get me back on my feet, alongside the constant love and support from my incredible family and close friends.
I learnt so much about myself through my journey at this point, reflecting on the past and realising that I had actually been through quite a lot at such a young age. One being that my dad had a sudden cardiac arrest at home and a major heart attack near Christmas time in 2013. He almost didn't make it... But he lives to tell the tale and I thank my lucky stars every single day that he did. Another major moment was when I was 18. I found a lump on my breast and feared the worst. Knowing that I have a family history of breast cancer, it didn't help my worst fears go away. Cancer consumes so many lives, physically and mentally. It affects every one of us in one way or another; be it ourselves, a relative or even a friend.
After having it checked out once and a whole year passing, it had grown rapidly by the time I was 19. I was immediately referred to my local NHS Breast Clinic and my journey began. I had a biopsy and was the youngest one there - I was petrified, nervous, traumatised, scared, anxious... I even felt a little embarrassed. I tried to be an adult and to be brave, but my emotions overwhelmed me and I cried for my mum to hold my hand. After surgery to have the lump removed and being assured it was benign, I am here today to tell the tale with a scar on my body forever. But not everybody has a journey like mine. Some journeys are cut far too short... The future is inevitable and unpredictable. You just don't know what is around the corner or what could be thrown at you... So please remember to check your body and to always, always LOVE YOURSELF - it is so important.
Normally I am not one to publicise personal things about myself - and doing so is another big step for me, as nobody really wants to admit to themselves they're struggling. However, I feel that briefly sharing my story will help others realise that it is okay to not feel okay. Though it may seem impossible, you will soon pick yourself up again and it will get better.
My journey is ongoing, like many other's in society today. I still have bad days, but I also have good days - like any 'normal' person does. Although each day may not be good, there is good in every day. But I am the author of my own story and I will not let society label me or attempt to shame me because of who I am.
The more that people share their stories, the more 'normal' the topic of Mental Health will become.
NEVER be ashamed of who you are. You are the leader of your own life. Your past does not define you, but only you and depict how it shapes your future. You are YOU, and that is YOUR superpower.
Embrace it. Enjoy it. Own it.
Written by Laura Lyman